Disciplinarian

I'm trying to live a more disciplined life. (very zen) But sometimes it can be so hard to do stuff that makes me feel good. I guess because it takes a minimal amount of effort and commitment. And it's easy to shirk off responsibility, to justify fucking around online all day because why bother it won't do any good. It will; I have to remind myself this daily. And I'm sick of falling into the trap of laziness.

I began meditating to quiet my mind and calm my soul. I walk around the park nearby every day to stave off restlessness--though as I look out the window right now the sky is a slab of gray and it's raining. I knit, trying out new patterns for a blanket I'll make and when my hands are idle I tend to destroy my cuticles. I write because it's my favorite outlet for anxiety. I haven't chosen a book to read yet. I will--I want one that's heavy, one that will take me far away.

The core of all my tasks is that they eat up time and the days don't drag. And if I force myself to do them everyday I hope it becomes a routine, one that I look forward to and maybe can't live without. This of course will change once I find a job but for now I have an excess of free time that must be treated like a gift rather than a burden.