Post vacation blues

Coming home from vacation sucks. It puts my regular life in stark relief, leaving me stew in the mundane. I'm frustrated I no longer have an excuse to indulge, to let go of the healthy habits I hate. Those vines of easy pleasure are now tendrils, dried and brittle,  baking in the sun. They snap so easily, and I'm trying to revive them but it's futile. Pathetic, really. Life should always be like this. That familiar refrain of vacation. A little quieter -- it is for some people. Or so I think. The mundane finds a way, eventually. For now I'll indulge, just a little more, just this night, before diving back into my routines and finding pleasure in them. Little sparkles of joy hiding underneath rocks.

This little blog of mine

I love this little blog. Does anyone still use Blogger? Anyone else out there? Reading about my past goals, dreams, insecurities, is kind of precious. I was so full of want. And then I received what I wanted, and here I am. Still full of it. Does that mean nothing will make me happy? Ah, well.

I am writing for a living and I am writing for pleasure. Though the latter is tougher. The latter hasn't gone as well as I thought it would. And by "well" I mean: my fiction writing class didn't bow down at my feet and christen me the next...whomever, destined to grace the pages of the New Yorker. That one-in-one-million chance. Ah, well.

I still cook, and I'm finally accepting that I'm rather good at it. Cooking for others is nice. It's an ego boost, to be sure, but nourishing loved ones is a treat, an honor.  I always find an excuse to do it.

I I I I every paragraph starting with I. This is my blog, I guess. I've taken a little break, but I think I'll come back.

Jumbled thoughts

After binge-reading I'd Rather Be Writing, I decided I wanted to develop a tech writing philosophy, or......something. Some rough guidelines and standards to set for myself as I look for jobs and navigate my career.

Tom Johnson's post about creating quick start guides inspired me because poetry inspired him. I don't read much poetry but I do read a fair amount of short stories. Short stories share one common principle: make every word matter. Be concise and efficient without sacrificing style or beauty.

Not all technical writing is quick start guides but all technical writing needs to find the heart of the matter and bring it to the forefront loud and clear. It values efficiency in language. At least that's what I've gathered so far.

It comforts me to know that I can use creative writing to inspire my tech writing. Different styles of writing don't exist in a vacuum, I suppose and I ought to remind myself that. Often.

ughhh i just want a job! i'm sick of this anxiety I have over my unemployment, especially since I've reached a bit of a plateau with studies since the free trials ended.

I don't know what to do if I don't get this....I'll apply to jobs, obviously, but there's a disturbing trend of entry level jobs requiring at least 3 years of experience....

If I do get it, this will change my life! In a good way, I hope. It feels strange to be at the cusp of something like this. I'm so much more in control. I guess I was in control when I got the job at Harpoon but that was more of a fuck it let's see what happens.  I'm happy and relieved to not be in that position right now; so many people are.

I don't like the idea of defining my life by my career, or feeling useless because I'm unemployed. I like the idea of finding a career that is fulfilling and not morally compromising. I like that through my unemployment I've gained confidence. I like that I've followed through with an idea I had during a walk through Franklin Park, that it's starting to come together, that I gave myself a schedule and i'm right on track.