Post vacation blues

Coming home from vacation sucks. It puts my regular life in stark relief, leaving me stew in the mundane. I'm frustrated I no longer have an excuse to indulge, to let go of the healthy habits I hate. Those vines of easy pleasure are now tendrils, dried and brittle,  baking in the sun. They snap so easily, and I'm trying to revive them but it's futile. Pathetic, really. Life should always be like this. That familiar refrain of vacation. A little quieter -- it is for some people. Or so I think. The mundane finds a way, eventually. For now I'll indulge, just a little more, just this night, before diving back into my routines and finding pleasure in them. Little sparkles of joy hiding underneath rocks.

This little blog of mine

I love this little blog. Does anyone still use Blogger? Anyone else out there? Reading about my past goals, dreams, insecurities, is kind of precious. I was so full of want. And then I received what I wanted, and here I am. Still full of it. Does that mean nothing will make me happy? Ah, well.

I am writing for a living and I am writing for pleasure. Though the latter is tougher. The latter hasn't gone as well as I thought it would. And by "well" I mean: my fiction writing class didn't bow down at my feet and christen me the next...whomever, destined to grace the pages of the New Yorker. That one-in-one-million chance. Ah, well.

I still cook, and I'm finally accepting that I'm rather good at it. Cooking for others is nice. It's an ego boost, to be sure, but nourishing loved ones is a treat, an honor.  I always find an excuse to do it.

I I I I every paragraph starting with I. This is my blog, I guess. I've taken a little break, but I think I'll come back.

Jumbled thoughts

After binge-reading I'd Rather Be Writing, I decided I wanted to develop a tech writing philosophy, or......something. Some rough guidelines and standards to set for myself as I look for jobs and navigate my career.

Tom Johnson's post about creating quick start guides inspired me because poetry inspired him. I don't read much poetry but I do read a fair amount of short stories. Short stories share one common principle: make every word matter. Be concise and efficient without sacrificing style or beauty.

Not all technical writing is quick start guides but all technical writing needs to find the heart of the matter and bring it to the forefront loud and clear. It values efficiency in language. At least that's what I've gathered so far.

It comforts me to know that I can use creative writing to inspire my tech writing. Different styles of writing don't exist in a vacuum, I suppose and I ought to remind myself that. Often.

ughhh i just want a job! i'm sick of this anxiety I have over my unemployment, especially since I've reached a bit of a plateau with studies since the free trials ended.

I don't know what to do if I don't get this....I'll apply to jobs, obviously, but there's a disturbing trend of entry level jobs requiring at least 3 years of experience....

If I do get it, this will change my life! In a good way, I hope. It feels strange to be at the cusp of something like this. I'm so much more in control. I guess I was in control when I got the job at Harpoon but that was more of a fuck it let's see what happens.  I'm happy and relieved to not be in that position right now; so many people are.

I don't like the idea of defining my life by my career, or feeling useless because I'm unemployed. I like the idea of finding a career that is fulfilling and not morally compromising. I like that through my unemployment I've gained confidence. I like that I've followed through with an idea I had during a walk through Franklin Park, that it's starting to come together, that I gave myself a schedule and i'm right on track.

Mango pie!

I start work in a few days and even though it's temporary and part time I'm taking advantage of my empty days lazing around and cooking. Can't complain too much.

This is a tasty little pie. Similar texture and flavor profile as pumpkin pie but it's lighter, more refreshing. Inspired from The Kitchenista Diaries.

Mango pie

Note: mangoes and pie crust can be prepared at least a day ahead of time.

3 large, very ripe mangoes
1/2 cup white sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tbsp butter
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp cardamom
1 tsp white vinegar
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup heavy cream
2 eggs + 1 yolk

1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
2. Place pie weights on top of your crust and bake for 10 minutes or until crust is lightly golden. Cool completely.
3. Lower oven temperature to 375 degrees.
4. Prepare the mangoes.

•  Bake the mangoes whole, unpeeled in a 350 degree oven for 1 hour. Let the mangoes cool and then peel, separate fruit from the pit, and puree. It should yield around 2 cups of puree.

5. Put the mango in a saucepan and turn the heat to medium. Cook the mango, stirring constantly until it thickens and looses some moisture.The mango should completely separate and slowly ooze back together when you drag your spoon across the bottom of the pan.
6. Take the pan off the heat and stir in both sugars, spices, and butter. Stir until sugar dissolves and butter melts.
7. Whisk together the vinegar, cream, vanilla, and eggs in a large bowl. Slowly pour in the mango mixture and whisk to combine.
8. Pour into your pie crust and bake for 35-40 minutes.

For the crust

1 1/4 cups flour
6 tbsp butter, chilled and cut into small cubes
1 tbsp + 2 tsp cornstarch
3/4 tsp kosher salt
1 egg
1/4 cup cold water

1. In a large bowl combine dry ingredients and whisk together.
2. Cut the butter into the flour until the butter is pea-sized.
3. Make a well in the middle of the flour and crack the egg into it. Using a fork, gently mix the egg into the flour.
4. Add water and stir until the dough comes together. If it is too dry, add more water a tablespoon at a time.
5. Knead the dough once or twice, cover in plastic wrap, and chill in the fridge for at least 1 hour.
6. Roll dough out about 3/4 inches thick on a lightly floured surface.
7. Put dough in pie pan. Trim the dough so it hangs about 1/2 inch over the edge of the pan; crimp edges.
8. Chill in the fridge for at least 30 minutes before baking.

Evolution?

This might be turning into a food blog. Heh. I've cooked so much these past few months, often creating my own recipes, and they're good! I post my recipes for posterity, something I can refer back to when I make it again. Recipe development does not exist in a vacuum so most everything I cook is tweaked or inspired by other stuff I've tried and loved.

Vegetarians and vegans love to name dishes after meat-stuff even though it has no meat-stuff in it  and that's annoying..........but I'm calling this recipe broccoli pâté. LOL that is annoying and it sounds gross. I've never even had pâté. But this broccoli is so soft and tender and luscious it feels like  rich-people pâté.

Mushy vegetables have a bad rap; for the most part it's deserved. But when you cook vegetables to the brink with loads of olive oil and garlic, sure they're mushy but they're unbelievably delicious.

Please note: cut up your broccoli into similar-sized florets. DO NOT toss stems—peel off the stems' outer layer with a veg peeler or a pairing knife and chop them up.

Broccoli pâté with bread crumbs and a poached egg

For the broccoli (adapted from the first half of Merrill Stubb's Broccoli, lemon, and parmesan soup ):

1/4 cup olive oil
5 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
2 lbs broccoli (see note above)
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp red wine vinegar
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste

1. Bring a large pot of salted water to boil. Boil your broccoli for 5 minutes and drain well.
2. Heal oil in a heavy-bottomed pan over medium heat. Fry garlics and red pepper in the oil until garlics become lightly golden.
3. Add the broccoli and stir to coat. Season with salt and pepper.
4. Turn heat down to your stove's lowest setting and cook, stirring every 30 minutes of so, for at least 1.5 hours.
5. Stir in vinegar and Parmesan. Taste and adjust for salt and pepper.

For the breadcrumbs:

1/2 tbsp butter
1/4 cup unseasoned breadcrumbs
1/8 tsp garlic powder
salt and pepper to taste

1. Heat butter in a skillet over medium heat. Add breadcrumbs and stir until breadcrumbs absorb all the butter.
2. Stir in salt, pepper, and garlic powder.
3. Cook until breadcrumbs turn a dark golden and become fragrant. Set aside.

For the poached egg 

Put it all together!

Scoop broccoli into a bowl and sprinkle a handful or two of the breadcrumbs over it. Put your poached egg(s) on top and finish with freshly grated parm and a few grinds of pepper.

It's the little things

I got the job I moaned about a few posts down. Feels really good! The company has money and it shows through in the office space. Employees use nice computers, there's a fridge with beer in it, there's a ping pong table (it's not even a start up!), all rooms are soaked in natural light. Tastefully done, mind you. My last office job at a nonprofit was in a rinky-dink office space where the elevator never worked, the heating system was always fucked up, and only like, 3 people in the whole office had access to color printing. There was one, and only one, single-stall "Employee only" bathroom; how many times did I walk out of that bathroom after taking a shit and see a manager waiting to use it? More than once. The space was right downtown and walking up to the front door often meant skidding past a stranger's vomit from the night before and breathing in piss-rot air.

This new place though. It's on it's own compound. I like it.

Everyone I'm working with seems friendly and open and I'm eager to get to know them. It's a tight group already and I know they're hiring more tech writers....there will be a shift in the dynamic, no doubt, (though I suppose I won't notice) and I hope tensions don't run high.  
I just want you to like me. Please.

Recipe...again!

I love reading through this old blog. My writing is full and emotional.....sometimes unbearably so. I was reading so much when I wrote more regularly and it shows. I really should start reading more. 

 Anyway! Here's another recipe. This is a lovely cream sauce that doesn't feel too heavy though it's plenty decadent.

ETA: I submitted this recipe to Food52's "Recipe You're Most Proud Of" contest. View it here.

Fennel and white wine cream sauce 

1 cup onion, sliced very thin
1 1/2 cup fennel, sliced very thin
3 garlic cloves, peeled and smashed
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
1/4 cup white wine
1 tbsp whole grain mustard
1 tbsp lemon zest
pinch of ground nutmeg
1 cup heavy cream
1 cup low sodium chicken broth
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
salt and pepper to taste

Serves 4

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Heat the butter in a dutch oven (or any other heavy-bottomed, oven-safe pan) over medium heat until it foams.
3. Cook onions, fennel, garlic, and red pepper flakes until the fennel and onion wilt completely. Raise the heat to medium high and cook until onion and fennel start caramelize around the edges.
4. Pour in wine and cook until all liquid evaporates.
5. Stir in mustard, lemon zest, nutmeg, heavy cream, and chicken broth. Add a few pinches of salt and plenty of fresh ground pepper.
6. Bring sauce to a rapid simmer and then put in oven, covered, for 30 minutes. Give it a few stirs halfway through cooking.
7. When the sauce is out of the oven, stir in Parmesan cheese. Taste and correct for salt and pepper.
8. Serve with fettuccine or any other flat, thick pasta.